Conflict
“Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind—but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.”
Is it any wonder that conflict is a natural element of any relationship? No matter how well adjusted the couple, tension, arguments and disagreements will always arise. Yet conflict in itself does not have to be a negative experience. If we argue respectfully and ensure we maintain balance, conflict can create opportunities to share thoughts, express feelings and learn more about our partner.
Conflict allows each person to express what is important to them. Unchecked conflict however, may lead to one or both people becoming “flooded”, where the thinking part of the brain goes ‘off-line’ as we become swamped by our emotions. In this state, we find it almost impossible to deal with conflict in a healthy and respectful manner – we may instead attack, withdraw, shut-down or freeze.
Relationship counselling can help you both to identify your flooding ‘triggers’ and together with your counsellor, help you find effective ways to reduce the emotional intensity of your arguments.